I've been busy...and by 'busy' I don't mean a couple of things here and there, I mean, every single day, overloaded with to-do lists or meetings or appointments, blah blah blah!
And with my husband going off to work 9 hours from home for 2 weeks at a time, I'm learning that this Super-Mom business can be handled with more grace, both for myself and for my family (and others).
You see I am a 'DO-er', if that makes any sense to anyone. Normally, when I set out to do something, it gets finished. The task is completed and more often than not, it is done ahead of schedule! But not lately! Example #1: I started a Bible study prior to vacation in July. Started strong. I even stayed up to date while on vacation, which is a feat in and of itself! But then I got home...back to work (which had piled up while I was away), and reality and exhaustion set in (probably stemming from the longest 30 hours I have ever spent in a car, driving from California to home in Arkansas!). But I so dropped the ball on my Bible study. One day behind rolled into one week, which rolled into two weeks...and now, the Bible study ended a while back, and I still have not completed the study.
I was beating myself up over this for a little while. Mad at myself for letting my study partner down, who I am sure completed it on time with flying colors! But me, no, I bombed it! That was my attitude. I didn't give myself any grace. I didn't take into consideration that I take care of a family (my husband, my 6 year old daughter and my 2 year old son), I work 40+ hours a week in a very, very, very stressful work environment, my husband had been laid off for 2 months, I also work a second job cleaning the revenue office 2 nights a week, I am involved in our church, ladies Bible study, planning the fall retreat, teaching Children's Church one Sunday a month and on top of all of that, I have to keep my house clean and try to keep my sanity in tact!
I thought I was losing my mind. I was tormented by myself- "Why can't you get it together!?"..."No one can rely on you, that's why no one calls or comes over."..."And you wonder why you are so fat!"..."Worthless!"..."Everyone else has it all together, and you are losing it. What's wrong with you!?!"
Seriously...that is what I was doing to myself...sometimes worse than that.
I gave myself NO GRACE whatsoever! I used to think I was being Super-Mom and that's just the way it felt. But now, I am being taught that the way I was treating myself, well, there is nothing SUPER about any of it.
God showed me that. He is teaching me how to work through myself...and He told me not to worry about not finishing that Bible study. I will finish it eventually...and it will be when I need it the most. But for now, I have enough on my plate. He is teaching me patience. Being the only parent in the house for 2 weeks has its' advantages and disadvantages. I get all the kisses and hugs...but I also get the tantrums, back-talking, crying and the wet/dirty pull-ups. And through all of that, I am learning grace and patience.
I'm still SUPER busy. I still have to do that long list of things...except now that my husband is working again, I have to do them by myself some. And sometimes I have more than that, especially now with my daughter in 1st grade and gymnastics and wanting to do girl-scouts (and it is Rhea Lana's season)!
But God is teaching me that I don't have to be perfect and that when it gets tough, when I am stressed to my max, I have Him. He never leaves me. And through prayer and His Word, He will show me the path.
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME!
HIS POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN MY WEAKNESS!
And He is providing everything for me. Good friends that call or stop by out of the blue just to make sure we are okay. Church family that care more than words can describe. Food when I wasn't sure we would have any. Money exactly when we needed it. Moments of laughter when we need a boost. Silence-because sometimes that is all that will quiet the chaos around us.
JESUS is my Perfect Provision.
Grace is what He is teaching me...every day...I am learning to no longer punish myself for where I fail or fall short. We all do...none of us measure up, which is kind of the point. We can't. We never will.
When we come to that realization, that no matter how hard we try, we are never going to be perfect, God will be glorified when we succeed...because the only way that we can accomplish anything, is by Him, by His power working through us, through our weaknesses and faults. I was brought to tears at my office when I had grace on one of my superiors, I kept my tongue and just let God lead my words, and the situation turned out to be so positive and productive. I stopped and could not believe that I had just shown such self-control and patience and gentleness and peace. I was seeing myself bear fruit that normally I wouldn't have. I saw that I couldn't have acted in such a way without Christ in me, working through me! It humbled me to joyful tears!
Super-Mom. Yeah, that's me. But only because I serve the Most Supreme High God and He chose me and made me this way...and you know what? I know a whole lot of other Super-Moms out there, some in the same situations, some in different...but we are all SUPER because of Jesus!
Give yourselves some grace ladies.