Knock, Knock

I need to learn to pray again.

Ok, so just typing that sentence kind of feels like a tiny burden has been lifted.
Admitting that to the world makes it more real rather than like a little secret I've kept to myself.

For a while now, I have just kept that one inside, behind a tiny black door in my heart, where only I knew about it...well, God and me.
I am confident that my prayer life used to be in decent shape but these days, not so much.
I send up some popcorn prayers when I hear of things happening around me, like my baby sister having tests run or the recent Oklahoma tornadoes. But I will sadly admit that getting on my knees or my face...wait...to be even more truthful, just waking up and starting the day with prayer and then ending the day with prayer, that doesn't happen like it should.

I don't want to be on a strict prayer schedule. I don't want to make this about routine prayer or a checklist type thing.

I need my prayer life to be my lifeline!
I need to call on God the way I call my baby sister when I have a bad day.
I need to grab God's ear when I get ticked at work and allow Him to talk me down instead of brooding to myself over it or even worse, venting to a coworker.
I need to just tell Him how thankful I am for the air that I breathe...the heart that beats in my chest.

I read a blog today about teaching your daughter to pray for her future husband now, while she is young and also that we, as parents, should be praying for our children's future spouses as well. I stopped dead and thought to myself, how can I do that when I don't even stop to pray half of the time over daily things!?

This revelation scared me...seriously, just made the hair on my neck stand on end.

Plus, if I am not praying, how can I teach my kids to pray? And if they don't have a prayer life, how will they have a relationship with Christ!?

I am intentional about a lot of insignificant things...I think we all are. But my prayer life, which in all reality is the connection that I have to Christ, should be the most intentional thing that I do. Boy has this hit me hard, and I am so thankful!

Prayer. Seems so easy---but it's not. It's not easy for me just to stop. But I need to. And I will.

Face down, heart cut open wide, spilling tears, allowing myself to be naked and transparent.
Change me God. Break the habit that I have of not relying fully on You for each breath that I breathe!

God knocked on that little black door this morning. It's open. Wide.
I'm going to learn to pray again...today is just day one of the rest of my life.



1 Corinthians 14:15
What am I to do?
I will pray with my spirit,
but I will pray with my mind also;
I will sing praise with my spirit,
but I will sing with my mind also.


“You may as soon find a living man that does not breath,
as a living Christian that does not pray.”
~ Matthew Henry

God brought me back to life.
New Mercy. Once again.
I didn't deserve that knock at the door in my heart.
For His Glory alone did He do it.
And He will be glorified by me and through me!